By Chol


I’m two different people. One at work, one at home. At work, I give advice and help individuals with their problems. Understanding and appreciating their struggles with an open mind and an open heart. 

Although, when I get home, I let myself go. You can take a million pills to try and cure a certain part of you, but it will never change the situation externally. Maybe in the future, there will be pills that cure the body in whatever state it’s in. But how would we psychoanalyse the root of the problem and start healing internally from the situation? So many people move on from their most difficult times, but no healing has taken place which continues to damage their present and their future.

But how can I say anything?

Popping pills like chocolates and numbing my brain with alcohol is never the solution. I know that,  and yet I continue to do it. And why? As a counsellor I know better, but as a human I’m just like everybody else with normal everyday problems. Nobody’s perfect, by day or by night. I want to change and yet I never fight for what’s right. 

Sorry, that was my subconscious talking. I appear to have woken up with a cigarette attached to my lip. When did I start smoking? I’ve woken up with a banging headache and an empty vodka bottle wrapped tight in my arms like a child with their favourite teddy. I decided to cleanse my bad decisions last night by removing the stench of alcohol with a shower. With my suit and tie buckled to my body, I am ready to start my day. Why am I covering the real me? Or, more importantly, who is the real me? 

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